Its a big girl world now... and everyday, i wish i was small...

you know when you're little, and christmas is this magical thing, thats perfect and beautiful.
and then when you get a little older you lose that magic.

you realise that its just a day in a year, which can be rather stressful, and theres no santa [not that i ever believed in him] and that a tree is just a tree, and that you dont really need anymore presents, and its not so magical and perfect....

Family is a little like that.
when you're little you have this perfect view of your family.
in a sense it revolves around you.
your parents are, just your parents. thats who they are, their job, their life.... to be your parents. and even your view of the wider family.
my memories of family are when everyone used to get together at chrismtas or fireworks, and there was laughter and people and it was magical. like christmas.

And then you get a little older, and you realise that actually the wider famileis have other things to do, and big family gatherings was only really for the benefit of the children and the elderly. and once they're gone, theres no real need for it. no one really wants to. really has the time to. and that your family isnt so perfect. they have flaws, and they get annoying after a while, and that your parents have lives outside of you.
they're people. with things about them you dont know about....

And all of a sudden you change, to an equally respected adult, from a daughter.
and it breaks the relationship. you can't be both.

you're not the 'dad' ive known all my life anymore, youre a guy with your own life with flaws. with secrets, things i dont know anything about in it.
it takes away the perfect, flawless, magical, parent/child relationship
and i still kinda need that...