Stained glass masquerade

Casting Crowns have a song called Stained Glass Masquerade, and their explanation before it says

I dont think that it bothers the world that we sin. I think it bothers the world that we act like we dont. There are times that instead of being myself and exposing my own weakness and hurt, i portray a character of the person that i know i should be. But when i expose myself as weak and frail at times, it frees the Body of Christ to restore me as it should and invites others to unmask aswell.

I dont really know what to write about this song. but i know it touched me. Im guilty of playing the part with a painted grin, of putting walls around my weakness and smiles to hide my pain. Church should be the one place you can bring your true self, your honest feelings, and for some reason i feel the need to go to church being happy and hopeful, and while mostly i am, there are times when im not, when im just playing a part.
Im not always the happy person people think i am. how about some peace and honesty.

Is there anyone that fails/Is there anyone that falls/
Am i the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when i take a look around/Everybody seems so strong/
I know they'll soon discover/That i dont belong

So i tuck it all away, like everything's okay/If i make them all believe it, maybe i'll believe it too/
So with a painted grin, i play the part again/So everyone will see me the way that i see them

Are we happy plastic people/Under shiny plastic steeples/With walls around our weakness/
And smiles to hide our pain/But if the invitations open/To every heart that has been broken/
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there/Are there any hands to raise/
Am i the only one who's traded/ In the alter for a stage

The performance is convincing/And we know every line by heart/
Only when no one is watching/Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free/If i dared to let you see/
The truth behind the person/That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open/Or would you walk away/
Would the love of Jesus/Be enough to make you stay

 

And as it happens light has nowhere else to happen but the valley

When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'.
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say ."I am a Christian,"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble,
And need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak,
And need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed,
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible,
But God believes I am worth it.

When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches,
So I call upon His name.

When I say ... "I am a Christian,"
I'm not holier than thou.
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace somehow.

Maya Angelou

 

cherry red clouds come up for the sun

These are my spring shoes. they hurt my feet but i wear them anyway, i wear them to urge summer forwards. It hasnt worked yet. Spring is absolutely definately here, if anything its about to run away. you can tell by the tissues which make a reappearance with hayfever season, not forgetting the puffy eyes - portable fan glasses are the way forwards. it isnt spring until snows fallen on the daffodils. bluebells bring colour to the woods. how can we forget baby sheep. the smell of freshly cut grass. the sun reminds us of what it looks like. the stars grace us with their presence through cloudless nights. the ability to leave the house without a coat. abandon the scarves and the gloves. put away the blankets and the winter pjamas. the nights get later. beautiful sunsets. warm evenings beginning to lengthen. beer garden weather. sunny mornings are easier to welcome. fresh white sheets and a spring cleaned room. the approach of exams. fire drills are no longer met with a groan. the windows are finally opened in the common room. ducklings brave the water. chicks brave the sky. sleepy bees.

and im smothered in memories and you are too

Monday was a Nothingness day.
Bank holidays are always strange, but this one was the strangest yet. The town was near deserted at 9.30 in the morning, but not peacefully deserted, there was a sad and lonely air about it.
but that might have been the rain.

It felt like an extra day had been inserted into the world that we somehow had to fill in order to continue with our ordinary lives. and yet no one really knew how.

School feels like that at the moment.
the lessons feel as if they're just trying to pass the time by until we have to leave. And in a way i wish they'd hurry up and pass by so i could get on with my life. and in another way, i wish i could stay in this middle ground of nothingness, so as to hold onto my life as i know it, to keep my memories in the present, rather than pushing them into the past.

Life scares me. but its exciting too. its that rollercoaster fear. bring on the summer and the nothingness days.