a beautiful absence, ever present

Christmas has been strange. i feel like ive wasted christmas this year, it hasnt been the same for a number of reasons, but most of all i lost the excitement of christmas which is had throughout my childhood. This year was the first year i fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow on christmas eve, and the first year i havent woken up ridiculously early, or been thankful for being woken up ridiculously early. instead when my siblings woke me up with the excited, noisy unwrapping of their stockings, i buryed myself deeper into my nest and went back to sleep.

In finding the true meaning of christmas i appear to have lost the excitement that i had as a child for the materialistic christmas, but in exchange for this, i didnt find the true excitement for the real christmas. i feel cheated out of christmas! not only did i lose the old excitement but i didnt get the new excitement in return.

Christmas is 'a beautiful absence, ever present.' i stole that from somewhere else so take no credit for writing it, but i like that line. The birth of Jesus, the true Love of God, is not something that we should celebrate once a year, but instead celebrate it all year round. Christmas is a great excuse to share your love with your friends and family in exchange for remembering Gods love for us, and thats no reason to say we shouldnt get excited about christmas in a childlike manner. sleepless christmas eves. the careful opening of stockings savouring every moment. rushing downstairs to be the first to see christmas morning welcome you. too much chocolate for breakfast. watching the faces of your family unwrapping presents they gratefully receive. that day forcedly spent with your family which isnt so bad afterall. an afternoon of games, fun, laughter and yawns. giving into the voice in your head telling you to just eat a little more, afterall christmas dinner only comes once a year. the dissapointed but satisfied feeling that another christmas is over and slowly fading away.

next year i hope to regain my excitement from christmas, in the old and the new sense.